


Home Is Not A Place

by BeneaththeHalo



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, BBC Merlin Fest, BBC Merlin Fest Team Arthur, First Kiss, M/M, mermaid - Freeform, mermaid!Merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 03:26:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1589957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeneaththeHalo/pseuds/BeneaththeHalo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since the deaths of his entire family, Arthur has been alone. He's been wandering the world, exploring every place he could find, but never able to find that one place he belonged. Everywhere just makes him feel empty, and makes him yearn for the life he could never have. But when he comes across a lake and meets Merlin, an infuriating yet intriguing man who seems to live in the lake itself, Arthur may never want to leave again.<br/>Posted as part of the BBC Merlin Fest on Tumblr, for Week 2, Day 7- Collaboration.<br/>Go Team Arthur!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home Is Not A Place

Arthur Pendragon felt like he'd always known loneliness. He'd been on the road, travelling by himself for so long, he couldn't remember a life that included anything else. His mother had died giving birth to him; his sister, Morgana, had died several years ago, driven mad by terrifying and prophetic dreams; and his father had succumbed to a wound sustained in battle not long after Morgana's death. It was only Arthur left now. He had no family and no loved ones, and every time he'd stayed in one place for too long, he found himself pining for a life he could never have and so he'd moved on.

Arthur had made friends on his journey, yes. People in the places he'd visited, ones who'd tried to convince him to stay, but no one and no place had felt _right_. Nowhere had felt like home to him. He'd even had people travel with him for a time- Gwaine was the most memorable of those, mainly for his incessant chatter. But after a while, these people either tired of traveling with Arthur or found a person or place they couldn't bare to leave (for Gwaine, it was a large yet kind and lovable man named Percival), and Arthur was alone again.

Because Arthur never stayed in the one place for very long, he often came across places he never visited before, and sometimes he found places he’d never even heard of. The latter was the case when he went stumbling through the forest, about a month after Gwaine had finished traveling with him, and he suddenly emerged from the trees into a clearing. He hadn’t been expecting the forest to end quite so soon and he stopped dead, looking around in surprise. He hadn’t expected somewhere so _open_ and so free of trees, out in the middle of nowhere, and so close to a forest that he thought would go on forever.

Arthur heard some sort of noise and he started, his hand on the hilt of the dagger he carried in his belt. Nothing appeared though, and when Arthur began to calm down he realised that the noise was actually the sound of something splashing in the water. A _lake_. That was the last thing Arthur had been expecting to see. And judging by the size of it, it led all the way to the ocean.

 _I didn’t realise I was so close to the ocean_ , Arthur thought to himself as he took a few steps forward, not even realising he was moving. There was something about this lake… something almost magical. It was one of the most beautiful places Arthur had ever seen, and he’d seen a lot of amazing sights on his travels. He just couldn’t take his eyes off of it.

The surface of the lake was the most perfect blue colour, and Arthur couldn’t help but wonder whether he’d be able to see his reflection perfectly if he got close enough. He didn’t get any closer, though. Instead he dropped to his knees, staring in wondering. Arthur had no idea what had come over him; he’d never been so captivated by anything in his life. The way he was acting was so unlike him, and yet he didn’t care. Coming across a place like this was a one in a million chance, and Arthur wasn’t going to let it go to waste.

Despite the noise Arthur had heard when he’d first found the clearing and the lake, it was completely deserted. There was nobody there but Arthur himself. Arthur took that as a sign that he could stay and admire this place for as long as he desired, so that was exactly what he did. It wasn’t often at all that he allowed himself to really take in and _enjoy_ what he was seeing. He was always moving, moving, moving, trying to escape the terrible crushing loneliness that always seemed to follow him. Here, for some reason, that loneliness was less painful than he could remember it being for a long time.

Eventually, though, Arthur’s stomach began to growl, and he decided he really did have to leave this place if he hoped to find any food before nightfall. He rose to his feet, dusting the grass and dirt off his trousers, but right before he turned to leave, he saw a ripple in the water and froze. Something had popped out of the water. It was a head, topped with black hair.

And it was looking right at Arthur.

“Hey!” Arthur called out. “Hey!” He was absolutely mystified; he was certain that he’d been alone in the clearing this entire time, and he knows he would’ve heard somebody approaching or diving into the water. That only left one explanation- whoever the head belonged to had been in the water as long as Arthur had been there. But that was impossible. There was no way.

“Hey!” Arthur called out one more time. He could’ve _sworn_ the head’s eyes focused on him, taking in the sight of him, before disappearing under the water again. Arthur ran over to the side of the lake, but he couldn’t see anything (besides his own reflection as he’d first suspected). The surface of the lake was completely unbroken. Whatever had been there, if Arthur hadn’t been hallucinating the whole thing, was now gone.

***

In the days following Arthur’s discovery of the lake and his strange encounter, he tried to move on from the area. He’d explored everywhere, and he knew he wasn’t far from the ocean, which he hadn’t seen in years. He had a full pack of supplies and completely repaired clothes, ready to leave, but something was niggling him. A thought in the back of his mind, that he couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard he tried. Arthur just couldn’t stop thinking about the lake and whatever he had seen there, be it a head or something else entirely. He just had to visit the lake again, and he just _had_ to know what he had seen there.

The lake wasn't hard for Arthur to find, the second time around. He didn't even really go looking for it; he just remembered, somehow. Like he was being drawn there. It was exactly how he remembered it, too, except at the same time it wasn't. This time, it was like... it was like the lake something _more_.

 _That doesn't even make sense,_ Arthur thought to himself as he approached the lake. _I'm losing it. There's something about this lake that's making me lose it._

Taking a deep breath, telling himself that he was fine and that it was just his natural wanderer's curiosity that was making him do this, Arthur approached the lake.

"Hello?" he called out, feeling utterly ridiculous. "Hello? I saw you yesterday- I know you're here! Please, I won't hurt you!"

Arthur stood there by the lake in silence, straining his ears for any noise, any sign of movement, but there was nothing. He even knelt down by the lake like he had the day before, hoping that he could convince _whatever_ he'd seen that he wasn't a threat, but still there were no signs of life.

 _Maybe I did imagine what I saw yesterday,_ Arthur thought to himself. _I_ was _hungry and tired yesterday._ And he had been thinking yesterday- thinking far too much. Thinking about his family, about the days they'd died, and yearning for the life he would never get a chance to live. He was far too lonely.

As Arthur's legs began to ache, and he could feel pangs of hunger in his stomach, he began to think that he really _had_ imagined what he had seen. Before he could stand and leave, though, he saw it- rippling water, growing bigger and bigger until something broke through the surface. It was exactly the sake as he'd seen yesterday- a human head, male, with black hair and ears larger than any Arthur had ever seen. He looked around the clearing first, before his eyes alighted on Arthur. "Oh! You again!" he said.

"Of course it's me again," said Arthur. "Who else would it be?"

"I don't know. I was hoping you'd be someone important."

"I'm plenty important!" Arthur retorted, affronted, but the man just smiled at him.

"Yeah, I don't know. Pretty sure you aren't important. You just look like a prat to me."

"Why you..." Arthur didn't know where this guy got off on insulting him like that, like he had the right to do so. "How dare you say things like that to me!"

The man just smirked. "I'm bored. It's not often that I get visitors."

"Do you live here?" Arthur asked, surprised. He'd seen no sign of inhabitants the first time he'd come here. The man nodded. "You were under the water an awful long time, both today and yesterday... how on earth do you manage that?"

The man laughed. "So many questions. What makes you think I want to tell you? What makes you think you deserve an answer?"

Arthur looked down. "Sorry," he said sincerely.

"As you should be, you prat," the man said, and Arthur was mad all over again. It was like he was just playing games with him! "I'll tell you, if you come back tomorrow. And if you tell me your name."

Arthur was incensed, but he still answered. "Arthur. My name's Arthur."

"I'm Merlin," said the man. And then he disappeared, back under the water again.

"Merlin!" Arthur cried out, wanting the man to come back again, but he was gone. He'd never met _anyone_ so infuriating- not even Gwaine and his incessant chatter was as bad. Merlin had been deliberately trying to rile Arthur up. Well, two could play at that game. Arthur would just not show up tomorrow, and Merlin would realise that Arthur was not going to put up with his insults.

Despite Arthur's resolution, the next day found him heading back to the lake, just as Merlin had asked. When Arthur emerged into the clearing, he found that this time Merlin was already there waiting for him, his head poking above the water. He saw Arthur almost as soon as he arrived and smiled, waving at him.

“I knew you’d come,” Merlin said. “Knew you couldn’t resist.” His smile grew wider when Arthur’s brow furrowed in anger, and the blond man could’ve sworn Merlin was laughing at him.

“Why _are_ you in the water?” Arthur asked, trying not to let his anger get the best of him and scare Merlin away. Despite himself and Merlin’s teasing of him, Arthur didn’t want the other man to leave. “Do you live in it or something?” This _was_ what Arthur had come here to find out, of course.

Merlin looked around for a moment, before his eyes alighted on a rocky ledge jutting out over the water. “If you go over there, I’ll join you and I’ll show you,” he said, pointing at the ledge. Arthur hesitated, not really liking being told what to do, but he did as Merlin instructed. Much to Arthur’s surprise, the ledge was rather smooth, not jagged and unsafe as he’d expected.

Arthur sat down on the ledge, his feet hovering over the water. Merlin had swum over to where he was and was now floating in the water in front of him. “Are you going to join me, or what?” Arthur asked.

Merlin smiled again, but this time he looks almost wary. “Okay,” he said. “But just remember, you’re the one who _wanted_ to see.” Merlin placed both hands on the ledge, hoisting himself out of the water. His chest was completely bare, with more definition than Arthur was expecting. But that wasn’t what grabbed his attention. It was the tail, comprised of bright blue scales that _shone_ in the sunlight, that followed Merlin out of the water.

Merlin was a _mermaid._

“Merman, actually,” said Merlin as he sat down on the rock beside Arthur, the man realising to his horror that he said that thought out loud. “There’s a difference. Merman is male, mermaid is female, or a collective of my species.”

Arthur didn’t say anything; he was frozen where he sat, his gaze transfixed on Merlin’s tail. “You can’t be real,” he breathed.

“I can’t be real?” Merlin repeated. “Your sister had prophetic dreams, didn’t she?”

Arthur’s eyes snapped back up to meet Merlin’s. “You know about Morgana? How do you know that? My sister died _years_ ago.” His hand hovered over the dagger in his belt.

“Relax, Arthur, I’m not some seer or some evil magical creature out to get you,” said Merlin, seeing where Arthur’s hand had gone. “I met her once, years ago. She was scared and alone, because she couldn’t escape her dreams, no matter how much she tried, and so she ran away. She wanted someone to talk to, someone who she wasn’t going to worry about her. I like to think I helped, even if it was only for a little while.”

“I remember that day,” said Arthur. It had been only a few months before Morgana’s death, but when she had returned, she had been happier than Arthur had ever remembered seeing her. “And you did help. For a time after that, she was actually happy.”

Arthur’s eyes fell away from Merlin’s face, alighting on his tail once more. Arthur’s hand twitched with desire, and he couldn’t help but reach out and lay his hand upon Merlin’s tail. He didn’t know what he was expecting it to feel like- slimy like a fish, maybe. Instead it was soft, and Arthur almost felt like he was touching sunlight.

 _Great, now I’m getting soft_ , Arthur thought to himself.

Merlin’s hand covered Arthur’s own, and he looked up into the merman’s blue eyes. “I didn’t mean to…” he began, but Merlin just smiled.

“It’s okay,” he assured Arthur. “I don’t mind you touching it. My tail is to me as your legs are to you. And if I really minded you touching it, I would never have shown it to you in the first place.”

***

After discovering what Merlin was, Arthur kept returning back to the clearing and the lake, and visiting Merlin. He knew, technically, he could camp there, but it just felt… _wrong_. Like he was intruding somehow. Like he was trespassing on Merlin’s home.

Every time Arthur visited, Merlin joined him on the rocky ledge, and the two of them talked. Talked about their childhoods, what their lives were like, everything they had lost. Arthur had never opened up to anyone like he was opening up to Merlin, and in some ways it scared him. Was it really smart, to be arming a creature like Merlin with so much knowledge about him? But at the same time, letting Merlin in on all his secrets felt more right and more natural than anything Arthur had ever done before. Telling somebody else everything that had been weighing on Arthur’s mind made it feel like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. For the first time in a long time, Arthur felt _happy_.

Gradually, Merlin started to open up to Arthur, too. He told Arthur how he’d never known his father, the man having died before Merlin was born, but he’d been born into a large school of mermaids. He and his mother had been incredibly close, and he’d had a very good friend named Will, but Merlin was now the only one of them left. Humans had come across Merlin’s school, and, not knowing what they really were and assuming they were some sort of fish, had slain every single one of them. Merlin had been the only survivor.

Merlin’s face darkened after telling Arthur that, and instinctually Arthur reached out and took the merman’s hand, squeezing it tight, while resting the other one on Merlin’s tail. “Hey. It’s okay. I’m so, so sorry about all of that. But at least you’re safe. If you hadn’t escaped, I would never have met you, and I’ll always be grateful for that.” He wasn’t lying about that, either. Merlin was unlike anyone Arthur had ever met (not including the tail). He was just… Arthur couldn’t quite put it into words, but ever since meeting Merlin, he finally felt like the emptiness that had filled him since his family had died was finally lifting. He didn’t feel lonely, and he wasn’t pining for a life he could never have. He felt almost as peace, but that word just wasn’t right to describe how he felt.

One day, though, when Arthur arrived at the lake, he found it completely deserted. He was alone, and Merlin wasn’t there.

“Merlin? Merlin!” he called out, hoping the merman was just playing a trick on him, but Merlin still didn’t show.

Arthur was starting to panic, now. He’d begun to rely on Merlin being there, grown comfortable and happy with him, perhaps even… but it didn’t matter. Merlin was _gone_.

Finally, just as Arthur was about to turn and leave, his heart broken, something broke the surface of the lake. Arthur recognised Merlin swimming towards him, from the part of the lake that was connected to the ocean. Arthur immediately ran out onto the rocky ledge, and Merlin met him there.

Hoisting himself out of the water and sitting down next to Arthur, Merlin place his hand on Arthur’s. “I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “I didn’t mean to make you worry. I meant to be back before you arrived, but time just got in the way.”

“Where did you go?” Arthur asked, calming down now.

“I had to go out into the ocean itself,” Merlin explained. “Rest up and regain my energy, as it were. I can’t live in the lake forever, you know.”

Arthur felt like his heart had dropped out of his stomach. _No_. “Does that mean… does that mean you’re going to have to leave the lake completely, soon?” he asked, unable to help the sadness that crept into his voice.

Merlin looked away from Arthur, and the man thought he could see the same feelings of sadness in Merlin’s eyes. “Yes,” he said finally, his voice small. “I will. I don’t want to, but I will have to.”

“I’ll miss you, Merlin,” Arthur said quickly. There was no point in denying it, when it was the truest thing Arthur had ever said. And before Arthur could stop himself, before he realised this could be a very bad idea, Arthur leant forward and pressed his lips to Merlin’s.

Almost as soon as Arthur had started kissing Merlin he pulled back, startled by his own behaviour. “I’m sorry,” he said. Merlin would _definitely_ want to leave, now.

Merlin took Arthur’s face in his hands, cradling it. “Don’t be,” he whispered. “Don’t be sorry.” He kissed Arthur back, then, his lips soft and feather-light. Arthur kissed back just as softly, one hand going to the small of Merlin’s back and resting there, while the other twined in Merlin’s wet hair.

The pair kissed and kissed and kissed, each one growing in passion and intensity as they _drank_ in the taste of each other, mapping out the contours of the other’s mouth, before Arthur finally pulled away, needing air. His hand left Merlin’s hair, instead moving to rest on his tail. “I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere until I met you, Merlin,” Arthur admitted, finally able to finds the words for what he was feeling. “Nowhere’s ever felt _right_ for me. But since I’ve met you, I just… I don’t felt lonely anymore. I feel like I’m _home_.”

Merlin was silent for the longest time after Arthur had spoken. His hands dropped away from Arthur’s face, and while he didn’t move Arthur’s hand from his tail, he did take the hand that was resting on his back and held it. Arthur was absolutely _certain_ he’d said the wrong thing, certain that Merlin would say _this was a mistake_ , before diving into the water and swimming away, never to see Arthur again.

Finally, Merlin spoke. “If there was a way you could stay with me for the rest of our lives, would you do it?” he asked, looking down at where Arthur’s hand rested on Merlin’s blue tail.

“I…” Arthur said, hesitating, but only because he hadn’t expected that at all.

Merlin looked away from Arthur, his face downcast. “It’s okay. Forget I said anything.”

“No!” said Arthur quickly. “I didn’t hesitate because I don’t want that, I hesitated because that wasn’t what I was expecting you to say. I _do_ want to stay with you, Merlin. I want it more than anything. After meeting you, spending all this time with you, I- I just don’t want to be alone anymore. Being alone again would just _hurt_.”

Before Arthur could stop him, Merlin dove into the water. Arthur was about to reach in for him but Merlin reappeared, holding out his hand to Arthur. “Do you trust me?” he asked. Immediately, Arthur took Merlin’s hand. Before Arthur can react, before he can stop it, Merlin pulled Arthur into the water.

As soon as he hit the water, Arthur was struggling. He had never been a strong swimmer, and it had been a while since he’d had any practice. He was in _pain_ , too. His legs felt like they’d been trapped in a vice, being squeezed and stretched and _pulled_. Arthur wanted to scream, but when he opened his mouth, all he took in was water. His lungs felt like they were on fire, burning from the inside out, and Arthur clawed at his chest to try and make the fire stop.

If Arthur wasn’t so focused on his pain, he would’ve been startled by the fact that Merlin was stripping him of his clothes. As it was, he was only dimly aware of the face, especially since the coldness from the water didn’t seep into his body. In fact, Arthur didn’t feel cold at all.

Eventually, and rather suddenly, Arthur’s legs were freed from their vice and the fire in his lungs went out. Perhaps even more amazing was that Arthur could _breathe_. He looked at Merlin, confused, but the merman just grinned at him

“I don’t have to leave you anymore,” he said, his voice as clear as it had been above the surface.

Arthur looked down at his legs- or rather, what _used_ to be his legs. Instead he now had a tail exactly like Merlin’s, except his scales were a bright red colour.

Arthur’s heart began to beat rapidly. _This_ was what Merlin had meant, when he said there was a way for them to stay together? He’d turned Arthur into a _merman?_ Arthur reached down and touched his tail, running his hands all over it, scarcely about to believe it was real. He had a _tail_. He wasn’t human anymore. He would never be human again. He would never be able to walk on land again, visit all the places he hadn’t yet seen, or return to the places he’d already visited. He would never be able to leave the water, and he would never be able to see friends like Gwaine again.

“Hey,” said Merlin, reaching out and taking Arthur’s hand. “You’re not alone anymore,” he said softly, soothing, running his thumb over Arthur’s knuckles. “You’re not alone. You have me. You’re home, Arthur.”

Finally, Arthur smiled. He kissed Merlin, smiling against his lips, remembering just how desperately he’d wanted to stay with him in the first place. “I’m home,” Arthur repeated, finally able to say those would truthfully for the first time since losing his family.

“Come on,” said Merlin. “The ocean is so much bigger than the land you knew, and there is so much more for us to explore. Together. For as long as we live.” And with that, as soon as Arthur actually figured out how to swim without Merlin laughing at his attempts, Merlin led Arthur away.

 

 


End file.
